The intake
Every question, before you answer one.
50 questions in all: two at admission and the rest in seven stages, about twenty-five minutes. Most are answered with a tap. The ones where the honest answer and the acceptable answer usually differ are typed instead.
Who sees each answer
- Shown Given to a match word for word.
- Described Used to write one sentence about you. The answer itself is never displayed.
- Private Used for matching and safety. Never shown to any member.
- Filter Decides who you can be introduced to at all, rather than counting towards a score.
Admission
Two written questions
Both are typed. Both are pass or fail. They come before the intake, not after it.
-
The premise, affirmed or refused as written.
-
Name something you hold firmly. What would change your mind about it?
An answer that nothing could change is recorded as a refusal.
Stage 1
Constraints
Facts that decide whether two people can meet at all. Asked first because they are effortless and exclude fastest.
-
Your age.
-
Who you want to meet.
-
Where you live.
-
How far would you travel to meet someone the first time?
-
Which languages can you argue comfortably in?
-
Do you have children?
-
Are you currently involved with anyone?
The third answer does not decline your application. It is shown to matches, which is the point.
-
Animals at home, and anything you are allergic to.
Stage 2
The week
How a life actually runs. Most incompatibility that surfaces at month three is already visible in these nine answers.
-
How many nights a week do you want someone there?
-
How many hours alone do you need to stay level?
-
What does a weekday evening look like now?
-
When do you go to sleep?
-
Do you want contact during the working day?
-
How would you handle money with someone?
-
Who does the domestic work in a household you share?
-
How much do you travel, and do you want company?
-
How fast do you want this to move?
Stage 3
The body
Asked plainly, before anyone meets. What is off the table is the one answer here enforced against Stage 4: a person who requires barriers is not introduced to a person who refuses them.
-
How much sex do you want in a typical week?
-
One person, or more than one?
-
If more than one, what shape?
-
What do you want to try that you have not?
-
What is off the table permanently?
-
How easily can you say what you want while it is happening?
-
Does attraction have to be immediate, or can it build?
Stage 4
The practical
Nothing in this stage is ever displayed to another member. Each question carries one factual line and no advice, because most of what goes wrong here is exposure rather than character.
-
When did you last test for STIs?
Most sexually transmitted infections produce no symptoms, so testing is the only way to know.
-
How often do you test?
-
What do you expect before sex with someone new?
-
Barrier use.
-
Contraception you use or expect.
-
Alcohol.
Asked in numbers, because "socially" means something different to everyone.
-
Nicotine.
-
Cannabis, and anything else.
-
Household standards, as behaviour: how often bedding is changed, whether dishes wait overnight, whether shoes come off indoors.
This is the most common source of ordinary friction between people who otherwise fit.
-
What do you live with that shapes a normal week, and what do you need from someone when you are unwell?
Asked as needs and behaviour. You are never asked for a diagnosis.
Stage 5
The direction
Where a life is going, described in behaviour rather than in labels.
-
Children.
-
How firmly?
-
Where do you expect to live in five years?
-
Do you want to live with someone?
-
What are you building that you would not give up for anyone?
-
Describe what serious looks like to you, in behaviour. You cannot use the words relationship, commitment or exclusive.
Those three words are banned on purpose. Naming a construct is not describing one, and everyone means something different by all three.
Stage 6
What you do
The same list, asked twice. The gap between the two answers separates a person who hikes from a person who describes themselves as a hiker.
-
What do you actually do now?
-
What would you like to be doing?
-
Which three of these would you want to share with someone?
Asked because plenty of people want to keep running alone.
Stage 7
The unsaid
Five typed questions about what you want, where those wants came from, and how you behave when things go badly. They are the only questions not published here, because they are worth more answered on the spot than rehearsed in advance. None of them is ever shown to another member.
Before you start
One thing you are asked to type
Between admission and the first stage, one screen asks you to write a sentence: your answers introduce you to people, and answering to be attractive rather than accurate produces bad introductions. Agreeing before you answer works. Agreeing afterwards does not.